Vivienne's 1st year book

I tried to embed Vivienne's baby book directly from Shutterfly, and it was acting wonky.. so hopefully it works! I made one for Ezra when he was 3 months old- it's taken awhile to get around to Vivienne's... but on the upside, I had a LOT more pictures to choose from! I love Shutterfly and all their freebie promos! Thanks to my mother who sent me a code for a free 8x8 photo book!

Click here to view this photo book larger

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend!

My Girl.

always so full of curiosity. 9/2013

I have been wanting to take the time to highlight my children. This blog, after all, is mostly for my dear family and friends to stay connected to us while we are living a few time zones apart.

Vivienne Chan is the most beautiful, adorable, loving, sassiest, and fearless little girl you will ever meet. She surprises us daily and is such a comedian.

At 18 months, she has an unbelievable vocabulary. She will repeat everything- our little parrot as we call her. As of her 18 month appointment a few weeks ago, she astonished us and the pediatrician when we counted 50+ words she uses daily. Vivi (her nickname) will acknowledge what you say by saying things like "hmm?" or "mm-hmm." I think it makes her seem more advanced than she really is since you could say "do you like it when it rains pistachio pudding?" and she'll reply with her brows raised "mm-hmm." But it's still adorable, nonetheless.

She loves her brother more than us I think. She loves to follow Ezra, bring him his toys and shoes, and is always looking for him if he's not next to her. Of course, like any sibling (and toddler) she enjoys picking on him and biting his arm or back when she doesn't get her way. Ouch. Sassy. Ezra says "Vivvvv" in an exasperated tone frequently when she picks off his plate or dumps her bowl raisins on the ground. It is hilarious. I can picture him saying it through the years, especially as a tween.

Vivienne has been growing steadily and is in the 30th percentile in weight and 20 something percentile in height. She does have an umbilical hernia since her birth and at her last appointment, the pediatrician identified a heart murmur. Nothing of concern yet, just keeping an eye on both until her 2 year appointment. I'm always happy to hear my children are overall healthy.

She has been getting cute little curls in her hair like Ezra did at her age. Love those sweet little curls. I'm loving the fact that she will wear little colored rubber bands or clips in her hair now too! She also still has that darling dimple on her left cheek. I love that dimple. I love seeing her develop from infancy to toddlerhood. She has always had this sneaky little smile since she was 6 or 7 months old where she scrunched her nose when she giggled and laughed. She still does it now and will also glare when angry or pucker her lips like I do when we feel slightly disappointed or unsure of a situation.

I love my little mini-me!

taking a drink, 9/2013

Westward Ho! Again.

I have been loving this weekend! The LDS Church holds two conferences every six months and this is THE weekend. If you have the chance and would like to listen/watch some uplifting talks, well, check it out!

Back to the original post,

Two weeks after leaving Oregon, the children and I came to California for 10 days. You may be wondering why Carl did not accompany me on this trek. Well, it was not by choice, but since he is an over-time student (get it? he eats, breaths, lives in PA school thus making him greater than full-time), he was unable to join. I will save the traveling-with-toddlers for my next post as it was an interesting experience...

I came to California was because it was Grandpa Lockwood's 90th birthday! Grandpa is a wonderful man. He grew up during the Great Depression, is a WWII veteran, has an amazing memory, and I always loved hearing him tell me about his life. While he tells a story about his life, it is so simply stated and yet so full of detail. It was so wonderful to come celebrate in person for this huge milestone! I also loved visiting with my dear one and only sister, my brother in law, my parents of course, and my sister from anotha' mister, Steph. Good times, everyone, good times.

visiting a nearby park

down, down, down

perfection.

top: grandpa (dad) trying to show ezra some tricks. Good effort! bottom: father and son

GOOB

bonding with grandchildren

chaotically trying to take a picture of grandpa and the great grand babies. note: my dad's furry arm. also note: shnooks, I'm sorry your eye has a weird shadow over it.

Somehow I managed to take more pictures of Vivienne. Oh well, it evens out the previous 2 years before Vivi was born ;)

And now for some eye candy:

the new bay bridge, SF

capturing the beauty of my mom's exotic garden she takes such good care of

And how could I resist snapping a picture of dumb things teenagers vandalize and say?

California, you will always have my heart.

Good Tidings!

For those who's emails I don't have, here is our Christmas Newsletter and Card!

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December 24, 2012

Dear Family and Friends!

Another Christmas, another year- yes, it’s that time of year that your random relative, favorite child, old roommate, or new acquaintance mails you a picture and newsletter! Well, e-mail in our instance.

We are doing well all the way out here in Wisconsin! SO many changes have occurred since we’ve moved out here – as easy as it is for me to write a book about our life in just the past 14 months we’ve been here, I’ll save you the saga, and share a little about each of us.

We moved out here initially because Carl was accepted to a cardiovascular perfusion program last year. We were both so excited to come out and start again on a new career path! However, as Carl continued in the program, he realized that due to his personable nature, spending the rest of his career inside an operating room just did not seem right. And I whole-heartedly agreed. So, though an extremely difficult decision, we decided to pull out of the program. Now, he has been fulfilling pre-requisites for physician assistant (PA) programs! What?! More school? Like I said, Carl is such a personable guy. And smart! We said, “why not?” I would just like to take a moment and brag- PA school is incredibly difficult to get in, let alone get an interview. Among 1,600 applicants, 300 receive interview offers and each school varies in the seats they have per program. That is why I am SO proud he has TWO interviews already lined up after the New Year! Way to go, Carl! We are praying school starts this year, but whatever it takes to get in is our current motto.  Whew! Now that that’s out of the way, Carl turned the ripe old age of 30 and has been ever so helpful at watching the kidlets while I rest after work. His favorite things are a good nights rest (every parent’s dream), opportunities to ride his bike or jog, a new pair of shoes, wrestling with Ezra, and watching a great action flick on his new 50” TV. Least favorite things: stinky rancid milk spit up from Vivienne on a fresh shirt that’s just been changed into and my blood curdling scream when I see a spider.

I, Tracey, have been doing quite well myself! I have been working in an emergency department as an RN for the past 10 months (minus six weeks of maternity leave) and I love it! I work nights and I must say, the patients who come in during the wee hours of the night continue to keep me entertained. I am so grateful to finally have nursing job I love and don’t want to pull my hair out while there! Besides work, I still enjoy sewing and cooking a good meal, though between kids and work, I find sleep consumes most of my time in-between.  My favorite things include hearing my babies laugh, chatting with Carl before bed, and a good chocolate dessert. My least favorite things include my detest for this mullet hair I have due to trying to grow it out this upcoming year, trying to come up with dinner when I don’t meal plan, and having Ezra pull my hand and say “mess!” only to find that yes, there is cornstarch all over the living room and piano.

Ezra is now the ripe old age of TWO! 29 months to be exact. He is freakin’ hilarious! Finally, the chatting phase has arrived. He loves to ask questions, can count to 12, almost says his ABCs correctly (does “A B E E E F E” count?), and like his mother, enjoys singing, dancing to all music varieties, and anything involving music. Many who attended to Venegas wedding can testify of his awesome dance moves. Ezra has such a bright light in his eyes. Even strangers notice and stop to tell us! He is incredibly intelligent and a great problem solver. He is making great strides in potty training as well – I know how curious you all are about his current bowel and bladder patterns. A few of his current favorite things include covering himself with our couch pillows and hiding, finding pens and markers to draw anywhere, watching the Backyardigans, playing rough with Dad, and “helping Vivi” whenever possible. His least favorite things include naptime, being told “no” and coming inside after being outside.

Vivienne Chan Leder – what a doll baby! She is now NINE months! I can hardly believe her one year birthday is nearing! She makes the sweetest little baby sounds every day. She has been rolling around mostly to get to things, knows how to “army-crawl,” but prefers to scream and make us tote her around. We call her our little parrot for that very reason of constantly hanging on to one of our shoulders. Vivienne, or “Vivi” as we mostly call her, seems like she will be walking before she crawls as she loves to pull herself to standing anywhere she can clasp her little pincers onto. I say pincers because those ruthless little fingers will most definitely find their way to the most tender skin on your arm, your collarbone, and a few unspeakable places as well. She is following her brother’s footsteps in being a chunky little thang with the many fat bracelets up her arms and down her legs. I could nibble on her little round cheeks all day!  Favorites: being held all day, having mom-and-dad-time-ONLY, my phone, and playing with whatever Ezra has. Least favorites: being buckled in the car seat, not being held and walked around, and being forced to wear a diaper.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! May you continually remember the reason for this season and achieve all your resolutions by next Christmas ;)

Love,

Carl, Tracey, Ezra, and Vivienne 

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I'm back.

I've purposely neglected this blog the last few weeks because a) I wanted to soak up every little bit of family time I had before going back to work, which happens to be tonight, b) I had parental and sibling visits galore, c) the house needed much attention after said visits, and d) why would I blog when my babies are growing up before my very eyes?!

So much to update on, but I really don't want to take up a ginormous chunk of time typing. All my babies (including the big one named Carl) are napping, so here is an update:

Vivienne

Glorious little Vivienne. What a dolly. She is such a night owl from 10 pm to midnight every night and is a champion eater. She has almost doubled her birth weight! She went from the 25th percentile at two weeks old to 75th at her one month appointment (she is now almost 11 lbs!). Following her big brother's lead :) I am just amazed at how fast she has grown- 6+ weeks already. Ahhh babies. I love her brown hair, her newborn grey eyes, her sweet puckery lips, and chubby little hammies. I could give her kisses all day.

Ezra

Oh my firstborn, what a handsome little man he has become. He is so smart and constantly amazes us. He is finally choosing to use words and has even used two word sentences! He knows his "please's" and "thank you's," purposely gets into trouble so that we chase him around the house, loves kiss attacks, loves to watch and chase the cottontail bunnies in our courtyard, and is very helpful around the house. He will throw tantrums here and there, but Carl and I have learned that his tantrums are more for us to learn patience and grow as parents than for Ezra to learn not to throw them. It's a phase that he will out grow soon enough. He is such a daddy's boy! Some of his favorite and inappropriate things Carl has taught him is to say "Eat it!", "Bite it", and "ca-ca" hahaha. What a boy.

Parents

tired. happy. sometimes edgy and borderline crazy (that one might just be me). Recovery has pretty much been amazing and miraculous this time. I even got mastitis twice- bleh! But even then, I have been able to physically do so much more than with Ezra. The body is amazing. Carl has been fantastically helpful. I think I would die from just being overwhelmed if he didn't help at all. He just about changes every diaper during the night while I groggily get out of bed to feed Vivienne and frequently makes me breakfast or lunch. sometimes even dinner haha.

 I go back to work tonight and I feel so bittersweet about it all. I am just so grateful that I will be going back on night shift so that I have the peace of mind that my family is sleeping (or eating) while I am away. Ezra will wake up in the morning as I come in through the doors. It will be as if I stepped out to get the mail or do the laundry. I am eager to get my skills back up and going and to continue to learn learn learn. I really love my job as a nurse.

one of my favorites of Viv and me. 3 weeks old

little girly

my boys

many more updates to come, for now, this will have to do :)

Vivienne - take II

It was a cool spring morning- the dew on the grass still visible as we walked to our car.

I hope there has been progress, I thought.

I wrapped my coat around me a little closer, and held onto Carl's arm even tighter. And then I did some jumping jacks and out came Vivienne.

birth announcement - message me or leave me a comment if you want one :)

Ok, I'm sorry, I could not continue my dramatic story of Vivienne's birthday. I know so many of you have been asking and asking about my side of the story- how was it really? Did you seriously not use an epidural this time?! Is this hypnosis stuff legit???

Side note: So yes, I utilized a birthing program called Hypnobabies this time. I started the course and practicing self-hypnosis at about 26 weeks- this basically entailed trying to totally relax all my muscles by "turning my light switch off" and then psychologically feeling anything as pain as pressure and stretching instead. I could switch my mental "light switch" to the "center position" which would allow me to be deep in hypnosis as well as creating mental "anesthesia" where needed but also able to move around still. Carl was a big part of keeping me fully relaxed (remember his title of Hypno-guardian? It's really a title the program gives to the birth partner haha) by reading my scripts and cues that helped deepened my hypnosis.

Warning: details include my cervix, pushing a baby out you-know-where, and pictures of a cheesy baby. I'm somewhat modest in the pictures, but if bare shoulders are upsetting, then stop reading now. It is also a long story, so read when you have time.

Here's my account how March 26th went:

I woke up in the morning feeling very pregnant and normal (normal as 38 weeks pregnant goes at least). Maybe even slightly disappointed at being pregnant still. I had two episodes of false labor, once a week and was dilated to 4 cm at my 37 week appointment. My doctor was leaving for a trip to Germany for three weeks in two days and we had both really hoped (and believed) that this baby would come over the weekend. I mean, I had the tell-tale signs of impending labor (bloody show, mucus plug, etc. - yuck, I know), but alas, 4 days of nothing. So, I had my last appointment with my amazing doctor that Monday. She was shocked to tell me I was dilated to almost 5 cm and seemed "so ready" to go into labor. We said goodbye and joked that we would see her once more before she went on vacation.

Carl, Ezra, and I went to Whole Foods to go eat some samples and buy coconut water (mmmmm what an indulgence) and then headed to another grocery store to do some last minute grocery shopping just in case. While at the second store, I accidentally knocked down a step ladder, which caused a loud noise and many stares in my general direction. Carl nicely laughed at me while I picked it up (haha) and that's when I first felt a contraction (this is about 10 or 10:30 am). I figured it was the weekly false labor starting up again, but was thankful it was my day off from work (I had just worked a 5 day stretch and was about to work another 4 days starting Tuesday!). Anyway, while roaming around the store, I told Carl that we should cut our trip short since this could possibly be the real deal. We headed home and the contractions definitely started picking up! But then we got home and they literally seemed to disappear. Boo.

After taking a walk around the apartment complex, they seemed to be regular again so when I got back inside, I tried to time them. They were every 3 to 10 minutes... isn't the usual diagnosis of labor "consistent contractions every 5 minutes, lasting about 1 minute in length and growing with intensity??" They seemed to be happening more frequently every 10 minutes, so I held off calling my doctor. After bouncing on my yoga ball for a good hour, I thought it would be a good idea to bake bread pudding with all our leftover stale french bread, so I went to town doing that (weird last minute pregnant thoughts maybe?). I put the pans in the oven and decided that I should probably take a nap if this was indeed real labor.

While laying down, my contractions finally seemed to be intensifying, but still about every 3-10 minutes. I thought I probably ought to call my doctor now. My doctor's medical assistant didn't really think I was in labor since I was chatting so nicely with her, but she decided to have me talk to my doctor anyway- my doctor said I needed to go to the hospital right away because she was sure it was going to be a quick labor- she was even going to meet me there! Carl quickly made arrangements for Ezra to stay at our friends' house (thank goodness for friends!) and off we went to the hospital. I also called my doula, Michelle, at this time (Another side note: I had the opportunity to have a doula without cost due to our low income. My chiropractor, of all people, hooked me up. Michelle was so helpful and understanding- she took all the pictures and applied counter pressure on my back so that Carl could be right by my side- I will definitely hire a doula for my following births!)


Just in case anyone was wondering, we did pull the bread pudding out of the oven and one of them was conveniently baked in a mini loaf pan, so I snagged that along for the 20 minute drive to the hospital. I scarfed down almost the entire pan outside of the hospital because I was pretty sure I would not have an appetite during labor, though my doctor (who, did I mention, is fabulous?!) encouraged me to eat and drink during labor.


My contractions (or pressure waves as I imagined them to be through the Hypnobabies instruction) were stronger now, but moving around helped so much, so when I got to the birth center, they offered me a wheelchair, but walking was much more effective in getting through each contraction. I did a lot of hip swaying during the initial toco reading (yay i got to skip out on triage and went straight to a room!) and since the staff was great, they had already read my birth plan and had the tub filling before we even got there. My admit time was just after 3:30 pm.

The tub was magnificent for the first hour! I was kneeling first, then switched to floating on my back while Carl made sure I didn't drown haha. He got to climb into the tub too. Like I said, that first hour was great- lots of joking and laughing in between contractions, chatting, etc. My doctor checked me and said I was only 5 cm, close to 6 cm and 90% effaced (that was the only and last cervical check thankfully). After that hour was up, I was beginning to sorely regret the pan of bread pudding I rabidly inhaled and was feeling pretty nauseous. Bread pudding + hot water + labor = blech.

So I climbed out and instantly had jittery jello legs and much more intense contractions. I got dressed in my gown- I highly recommend bringing your own stretchy gown. Blood surprisingly washes out nicely with a spray 'n wash cleaner- and then tried bouncing on a yoga ball. Then leaning on the yoga ball. Then leaning on the bed. Then hands and knees on the bed. Then finally lying down on my left side side with the head of the bed up 30 degrees. I was having trouble resting in between contractions with all the first positions, so side lying was the best, allowing me to rest enough to recollect myself and make sure I was still in "center." I did a lot of "breathing the baby down" by "ahhh-ing" and used the hypnosis cue "peace" (i would say "peeeeaaaaace" a LOT) to maintain my anesthesia in my lower abdomen, where I felt most of the pressure. My doctor and doula were so great at maintaining counter pressure on my lower back too! There were two moments when I felt panicked and gave Carl a frightening look, which apparently combined with my sweaty locks and face made me look like a crazy person escaping from the asylum. Aside from those expressed moments, I had a lot of internal conflict- mostly thinking how nice an epidural would be so that I could just sleep through all this intensity. I was SO tired and I was feeling the intensity of labor both mentally and physically. We had the hypnobabies tracks playing in the background and Carl was so supportive and continued to say the hypnosis cues and have me repeat them as needed.

I started to feel more intense pressure, so I listened to my body and switched to kneeling. We moved the head of the bed to almost 90 degrees and I mostly burrowed my face into the bed, hung onto Carl, or hugged a pillow. My doctor told me to go ahead and start pushing (which surprised me since she didn't check me at all and I didn't have that overwhelming urge to push like many natural birthers report), but I just went ahead pushed when I felt like it- this is called mother-directed pushing according to Hypnobabies. It was really relieving to finally not try and relax every muscle and to focus on pushing! I was afraid of feeling the dreaded "ring of fire" but you know what? The moment I was supposed to feel it and didn't feel it made me realize that this hypnosis stuff really isn't a bunch of lies! Having my water break on its own was weird. I guess there was so much pressure my doula and doctor jumped back in surprise! So after 25 minutes of pushing (barely 3.5 hours at the hospital!), Carl reported that we had a baby girl and she had dark brown hair- remember I was on my knees so I didn't actually see her right away haha. Like Carl said in his post, my doctor let him "catch" Vivienne. They placed her on my back for a moment while they cleared her airway (my doctor said, "skin to skin right away!"), and then I turned around and held onto her. What a precious (and waxy/cheesy) baby! She just snuggled right up to me. We waited until the cord stopped pulsating (didn't do this with Ezra but decided why not? with Viv) and then Carl sawed through the cord. I had a second degree tear and the lidocaine shot was really the first "painful" poke downstairs.

contraction in the tub

"not bad!"

awesome doctor applying counter pressure

trying to relax

"hold me, pillow" and Carl saying a cue to me

The loyal husband and Hypno-guardian (hahaha)

EWWW! but kind of awwww if you're the parents :)

"Hi little girl, I'm your mama"

And I really didn't want to include any of my immediate post-birth photos, but oh well:

My excellent birth team! Dr. Koch, Me and Viv, Carlo, and Michelle

I know this is hard to believe, especially when I've reported my birth experience with Ezra, but I really felt like I was able to psychologically feel my pain as pressure and stretching. It was such an intense feeling though- much of the intensity had to do with how quick I progressed, I'm sure. My doctor said I "breathed the baby down" very well and was glad I could start her off to good vacation haha.

The main reason I wanted to go unmedicated this time was for the recovery- I really felt like moving around would help me have a quicker birth and boy, was it quick. And the recovery has been amazing! An hour after Vivienne was born, they finally weighed her and I got up and showered. Wha-what?! I was bed-bound with Ez for a day. It was nice to not be worried about hemorrhaging (I was pumped with 6 liters of fluids with Ez and given pitocin afterwards) or feeling like I broke my pelvis this time (forceps, anyone?). We wanted to leave the next day, but since Viv was born in the evening, I had to wait 24 hours for the newborn screening to be done and being discharged at Ezra's bedtime didn't sound convenient, so I stayed an extra night haha.

In conclusion to this novel of a blog post, here are my last thoughts regarding birth:

1) Birth the way you want to birth. Visualize your birth frequently and don't be afraid to let your doctor know what you want out of the experience. If they want to do something more convenient for themselves, it's time to find someone else. This is your birth, therefore your terms. I highly recommend a written birth plan.

2) There is absolutely NO SHAME in getting an epidural. Seriously. Though I never asked this time, I frequently thought about how wonderful it would be to sleep and then have a baby. Epidurals are not evil in any way and don't ever let those high and mighty natural birthers tell you otherwise.

3) Unless baby is distressed, I really recommend let your membranes rupture naturally. I really believe that the fluids provided an extra cushion of comfort during labor.

4) If you want to give birth unmedicated, it is truly possible. Some women can do it without practice, while others need some kind of preparation. I fell in the latter category and I'm so glad I practiced! I really didn't think I could do it until I did haha.

5) Self-hypnosis is real and effective. I practiced and practiced, and thought to myself many times that I was too logical and medically minded for this crap. Nonetheless, I tried hard and focused during my daily practice (which was mostly listening to the scripts on my iPhone) and like a soldier training for combat, all my technique and skills kicked in when it was time for war... errr labor. I don't think it was necessarily "painless and comfortable" like many Hypnobabies moms report, but the way I perceived the contractions (and I've said this a few different times) was indescribably intense and strong pressure. Had I not prepared, I would definitely call it pain I'm sure.


I'm glad I could share this experience with you all. This post has been such a good time reflecting on my experience. I know several of my dear readers are pregnant, so feel free to call me any time if you have questions.

Vivienne has been such a dolly. We love her so much and are so grateful for this newborn phase of sleeping all the time haha- it makes the transition to two kids easier than expected! She is such a good eater, smiles ALL the time (very gassy baby), and of course has beautiful brown hair. She has such a gentle girly cry too! Ezra loves to hold her and give her kisses, so I am very grateful with how well he's dealing with our newest addition. Thank you all for your love and support!


PS- about the contest... nobody guessed I'd go at 38 weeks! so no official winner... I'm still trying to determine who guessed closest to Vivienne's birthday... :)